Men’s Group

Suggested guidelines:

In your share, see if you can clearly communicate: 

  1. What happened 

  2. How it affected me

  3. What I need 

  4. What I have learned from this experience 

Example: 

  1. Last week my friend showed up and asked me for money. Knowing about his gambling addiction, I refused and he got very angry, accusing me of not caring about him. 

  2. I felt sad, disappointed and angry. I hate being manipulated. This friendship is important to me and the rupture broke my heart. 

  3. I need to be seen as a person and a good friend instead of being treated as a bank.

  4. I’ve learned that, because of my weak boundaries in the past, I’ve helped creating this situation in our friendship. I’m committed to changing and healing that. 

Keep your share to about 5 to 8 minutes. Remember that everyone needs to have a chance to share and there must be enough time left for the group reflections and process. 

After completing the full round of sharing:

  • First, we may respond to a specific topic that was shared. We don’t offer advice unless asked for. Rather, we reflect, ask for clarification, or express support. 

  • Then, we dive deeper. What did you notice happening in you? (triggers, empathy, excitement, sadness, annoyance, inspiration, etc); what did you notice in the guy who was sharing? (sincerity, honesty, avoidance, vulnerability, dishonesty, dissociation, deflection, fear, joy, vitality, etc).

  • A common theme might emerge from the individual shares. We explore it together in a discussion. If no specific theme emerges, we choose a topic to explore. 

  • Before the circle’s closing, I might invite you to share “what I’m not saying” to further encourage honesty. 

This is an advanced work and often not easy. While we allow for not doing it “perfectly,” we can keep exploring new ways by trial and error. 

What distinguishes our gatherings from just a bunch of guys hanging out and chatting away (nothing wrong with that) is that we see ourselves as a group of conscious men who have the courage to explore better ways of connecting with each other and with themselves. This skill then carries over to all of our relationships and is priceless. 

As my co-creators, I value your input and feedback. Please let me know how my suggestions sit with you and if you’d like to add something I have missed.

With much love and gratitude,
Lubosh